I know that a few of our people have been out of the loop, and have come back, but I've been making props, models, and costumes forever now. This marks my thirtieth year doing this. I got out of modeling for myself for a while. This has happened a lot in the past even before I ever joined the modeling forums! I didn't hear about them until 2008. Until that time I didn't know that they even existed. I was exited, but locked out of the rpf, and rebuffed from RI, and I didn't know anyone until I talked to a guy on evilbay about the Salzo X-wing kits that were being sold all the time (around late summer of 2008) when he told me that I could join the modeling forums. I was aware of the modeling clubs, but they're nothing like the forums. In the clubs everyone talks about technique, and sources for materials, then goes off to talk to someone else. Here, and other places on the internet share a lot more information - sometimes more than you wish to know, and other times not enough. I was invited, but never felt welcomed to most of these forums, and I still don't. No matter which one I join. Maybe it's just me. Well, I feel that interest dying - again!!
The modeling bug bit me again, only for an X-wing fighter. After seeing what some people could do, and seeing the reference photos that are floating around the internet now, I thought I'd give it a shot again. Only now I don't want to build anymore, but make models now. I'll finish the ones that I started so long ago, but when I feel the time is right. It's fall now, and I'll start painting again because it's cooler outside, and no bugs at the moment, and the humidity is lower. I feel that once I finish these projects, and the ones that I wish to do that I won't be of much use here anymore! I just don't see the point of staying on these forums since I don't have the time now to do model building, or making them with the other projects that I have going on, whether, or not I like it. Maybe the building bug will bite again, but I don't see it lasting much longer now.
This has nothing to do with infractions, run ins with other members, or my reputation for being a "bad boy" on the forum - I just don't know how much longer the hey-day of modeling will last for me personally. This is something that I have been thinking about for almost two years, now all the time, and money - and friends that were willing to help me have just about vanished. I have quite a few models, but just about all the ones that I wish to build, and there are a few that I want to get around to finishing, and a couple that I would like to make. I just don't know if I'll stay with modeling as a whole. The interest comes, and then goes. I have a HUGE problem with the living situation, but that only compounds my trouble, and is now taking precedent over my life, and throwing a HUGE monkey wrench into the works. Maybe I should just finish what I have now, then call it quits, and stick to playing video games like all my friends? Am I wrong for feeling this way, or am I just getting old?Does anyone else feel this way? I've been wrestling with this for a LOOOOONNNNGGG time, and I think I see the light at the end of my modeling tunnel, only it's not the light of day, but a trainwreck that I've been sent into. Maybe I got myself in more than I could handle? I don't know. Maybe someone here can tell me what's going on, am I getting too old? I have health problems like bleeding, but from an unknown source. Nothing points to the obvious, but from time to time, I've wiped blood from my body when going to the bathroom. No one seems to know where, or how I'm bleeding, but I am. My mother is up in her years, and has more health problems now than ever before. This also adds to the stress, so I think I'll finish what I need to, and post all that I can, and be done with it for good.