[POCKETWOCKET]

.....

 

[Swifty]

Did you hear about the guys in LA who stole a Talon and then used it in a 'push by shooting'?

I love the fact the car has a heated rear window- it keeps my hands warm when I'm pushing it.

I doubled my car's resale value today- I filled it with gas.

Today a guy in a Yugo pointed at my car and laughed.

It smokes so bad the EPA has my car on their ten most wanted list.

I went to the auto parts store and asked for an oil filter for my Talon. They told me that was a fair trade.

I have decided to chuck the engine and replace it with a quad hamster wheel setup in the hopes of actually hitting 25 MPH.

Ever been passed by an Amish horse and buggy? I have.

The local mechanics mail me Christmas cards every year, as does the one in Whitehouse Station, New Jersey, where the Talon blew a head gasket!

Ever lose the 'stoplight challenge' to a stock Dodge Aspen?

 

[POCKETWOCKET]

.....

 

[Swifty]

Kenny: Well, it's time to send Swifty home.

Jeff: Hey, I've got this big box...

Gerald: Hey Swifty, come here a second.

Me: What the...AHHHH!

*Gerald writes "Please drop, bend, and mutilate" on the box and mails it*

*Arrives at destination*

MODSQUAD!?!?!? What on Earth?

Peter: Hmmmn, I don't recall ordering a Swifty from Fest. I guess I'll have to return you to sender.

 

[Swifty]

Modsquad: Dip, can you help me carry this box? It needs to go right in front of the Coca-Cola monster truck.

Dipstick: Sure. Hey, won't the monster truck crush this when it starts up?

Modsquad: With any luck...

Dipstick: Hey, I've always wanted to drive one of these things. I wonder if I could hot wire it?

 

[Swifty]

Next time I mail myself somewhere, I'm making sure the box has air holes.

 

[Swifty]

*Mattel executives spying on Fest activities and product ideas*

Executive #1: Swifty In The Box, we'll make 50 million of them! They'll sell out instantly!

Executive #2: Yes! And we need to do 20 million Hardnosed versions, 20 million Blinged versions, 20 million Drop Top versions, 20 million Crooze versions, and 20 million Tooned versions too!

Executive #3: What should we call the limited to 2.5 million version?

Executive #2: How about, are you ready for this, Swifty Hunts?

Executive #1: Excellent. Now let's go get these things ready for the holiday season.

 

[pontiaccrest]

I know I'll find a W/L in this box.........Now where is it?

 

[Guest]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......................................

 

[harry_ca]

Just call me Jack...