A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates.
> > "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter
> > "Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, upon a> > trip to> > the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of> > high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I> > directed> > them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I> > approached the> > largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the> > head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw
> > on the> > ground." I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or you'll answer to me!"> >> > St. Peter was impressed: "When did this happen?"> >> > "Just a couple of minutes ago."
My son and I were talking the other evening. As usual, the conversation turned to girl "problems" (He's 14). After school, a couple of classmates came up to him, and one says, "Josephine (made up name) wants to know why you like her," and Josephine said "Yeah, I'm really icky." Trying to help him out, I asked him more about Josephine, and one of the thing he mentioned was her stockings. Knowing that poetry impresses the fairer sex, I made this one up on the spot:
She says she's ick,
but she's quite a pick.
I'd have to bet
On her fish net
They'd catch me real quick!
At the Parochial school one morning, Sister Mary was teaching her class. She turned to her students and said, "Class, it's time we started thinking about our futures. Has anyone thought of what they'd like to be when they grow up?"
Scotty raises his hand and replies, "I'd like to be an astronaut." Sister Mary commends his idea, "That's a very noble and heroic profession. Good for you Scotty! Anyone else?"
Little Madeline raises her hand. Sister Mary says, "Yes Madeline, what would you like to be when you grow up?"
Madeline brightly replies, "A prostitute." With that, Sister Mary faints dead away.
After a few moments, she come to and asks, "Madeline, what did you just say?"
Madeline repeats, "I said I want to be a prostitute when I grow up."
Sister Mary wipes her brow and says, "Oh Thank Heavens...for a moment there I thought you said protestant!"