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these are genuine church typings from the church's weekly newsletters,,,,,,,
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually
appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary
Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

The Fasting &Prayer Conference includes meals."

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone
who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions.
She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's
sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing:
"Break Forth Into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So
ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will
follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come
early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new
members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope a long with the deceased person
you want remembered.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM -- prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the
Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend
him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back
door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last
Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
 

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That's funny stuff...the part about sining in the park on a blanket is my favorite.:lol:


I guess it's a reminder of sort also...you really have to watch what and how you say things,a couple words or letters in the wrong place and the whole meaning changes:)
 

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very funny.

A set of keys were found in the church parking lot by our secretary Mrs. Hunt.

if they are yours, go to Helen Hunt for them.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
41-willys said:
very funny.

A set of keys were found in the church parking lot by our secretary Mrs. Hunt.

if they are yours, go to Helen Hunt for them.
hahahahahahahaha,,,,,killin me
 

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dammitman said:
...The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
Hey, I'll have to visit that church sometime. :lol: Just kidding. I'm going to print these and show the pastor of my church. Very funny. :thumbsup:
 
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