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The following story is based on true police files. None of the names have been changed to protect anybody.
One rainy night in Diecast City, an amorphous shape was spotted by several witnesses gliding across the rooftops. My partner, Frank Smith and I were called in to investigate. My name is Friday, I wear a badge...and no, it isn't made of latex.
We spotted the perv...I mean, perp...dancing in the moonlight on the head of stone gargoyle.
"Is that a cape he's wearing?" asked Frank, spotting the red fabric that swirled about the man--at least I think its a man.
People were crowding the sidewalk as we pulled the Fairlane to the curb.
"Get the binoculars out of the glove box, Frank. I want to get a closer look at what we're dealing with."
Taking the binoculars in hand, I exited the vehicle. Peering through them, it took a moment for the reality of what I was seeing to settle in my mind. A man next to me began shouting, "It's a bird, it's a plain, it's--"
"A man wearing a giant latex c_ _ _ _ _," I finished for him. “Goggles and a bright red cape too, if you want to get technical about it”
This realization brought looks of horror and disgust from the crowd. For a moment, I thought they were going to turn on Frank and me, just for the sake of bringing the less than savory visual home to their enquiring minds. Like me, I suppose they wanted to find some sliver of truth that would make this incident somehow diecast related, but I just couldn’t see how. This guy was as OT as they came, and quite possibly from another town altogether--probably New Jersey.
Sirens wailed, fragmenting the night into shards that exposed nerves and parted the crowd. Dark shapes with phallic shaped heads turned into firemen, materializing through a curtain of rain.
The crowd began chanting, “Jump, jump, jump!”
Frank tried to silence them, but C-Man (as the newspapers would soon dub him), hearing their jeers became indignant. He fashioned his latex garment into the shape of a bullhorn, and began calling curses down upon the masses, taunting them with the feeble distribution of Johnny Lightning, and how they would never again find their precious toys in retail again. This, though bringing the subject at last on topic, did little to appease the crowd. Some of them, opening packages they were carrying home from the post office, sealed with tape inscribed “Milezone’s,” liberated their 1 of 2500 limited Johnnies, and began using them as tiny torpedoes.
Sailing skyward, catching a glint of lightning that sparked between two clouds, the little cars pelted C-Man as surely as if each were a diminutive guided missile. C-Man wailed, stumbled backwards in an attempt to grab hold of one of the gargoyles horns to balance himself, but it slipped through his latex imbued fingers.
I saw him tumbling as firemen ran hither and thither with their net. C-Man hit the net, but all that latex made him rather bouncy, and he sailed into the rain streaked sky once more, making a looping arc and ending his flight by bounding through the window of a Victoria’s Secret across the street.
As the paramedics dug him out from beneath a mountain of undergarments, they stated he was very lucky to have only sustained a broken ankle. His latex suit was, however, torn open, revealing Ozmont’s face to photographers on the scene. Flashbulbs illumined, capturing his rain-wet face. And as he was thrust into the back of an ambulance, I caught site of a familiar face in the crowd. What was Chris Thomas doing here--and on a school night? Wasn’t Oz a friend of his?
Lightning flashed and he was gone. Perhaps it was merely my imagination, a distortion from the ambulance light that washed the crowd in red. And perhaps Oz was just trying to promote safe sex.
“Let’s get some hot coffee, Frank. This rain has given me a sudden chill.”
Last edited by Dragnet_Supporter; 10-20-2008 at 04:14 PM..
The next day, the story in the Diecast City news read: Haglunds deformity. A bone protruding into the Achilles tendon that Ozmont suffered from for 2 years. And as to the latex suit and the late night escapades, well, the pain went to his head and no charges were brought against him.
Just another typical night in Diecast City.
Last edited by Dragnet_Supporter; 10-20-2008 at 04:27 PM..
Location: Last time I looked I was right here, yep I'm still here
Posts: 10,833
Quote:
Originally Posted by ozmont
I knew he had to be behind all this.
Just remember Chris, at some moment, you WILL have to go to sleep.
Bwahahahahahaha
I sleep in a vault made of concrete and stainless steel. It has a lining of lead and unobtainium. It has self contained air supply and is bolted directly through the earth. It has been build to withstand a direct blast from anything in the US's arsanal. The locking mechanism has been built by a combined effort of NSA, FBI, CIA and few more initials.
I sleep in a vault made of concrete and stainless steel. It has a lining of lead and unobtainium. It has self contained air supply and is bolted directly through the earth. It has been build to withstand a direct blast from anything in the US's arsanal. The locking mechanism has been built by a combined effort of NSA, FBI, CIA and few more initials.
The locking mechanism has been built by a combined effort of NSA, FBI, CIA and few more initials.
GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT! GIMPIE-BOY!
Built by the lowest bidder....Hmmmmm...I think G-Boy stands a chance to enter the private lair of his evil nemesis. does it have handicap facilities in case he has to tinkle when he gets there...You know...prostate problems and all...
__________________ Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Location: Last time I looked I was right here, yep I'm still here
Posts: 10,833
Quote:
Originally Posted by VWowner
Built by the lowest bidder....Hmmmmm...I think G-Boy stands a chance to enter the private lair of his evil nemesis. does it have handicap facilities in case he has to tinkle when he gets there...You know...prostate problems and all...
No and there are cameras in the parking lot! I'd better not hear of any "Public indency" out there either!
I sleep in a vault made of concrete and stainless steel. It has a lining of lead and unobtainium. It has self contained air supply and is bolted directly through the earth. It has been build to withstand a direct blast from anything in the US's arsanal. The locking mechanism has been built by a combined effort of NSA, FBI, CIA and few more initials.
GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT! GIMPIE-BOY!
If this isn't an admission of guilt, connecting Chris to the crimes that have ling plagued our fair city, then I don't know what is. If he isn't Professor Lightning, then he is closely connected to him.
Of course, I'm not really saying this, and those black clouds overhead were forecast in the local weather...weren't they?
Location: Last time I looked I was right here, yep I'm still here
Posts: 10,833
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragnet_Supporter
If this isn't an admission of guilt, connecting Chris to the crimes that have ling plagued our fair city, then I don't know what is. If he isn't Professor Lightning, then he is closely connected to him.
Of course, I'm not really saying this, and those black clouds overhead were forecast in the local weather...weren't they?
It is rumors like this that have forced me to sleep in a vault! Can't a criminal mast....er uh wait......nothing just
does it have handicap facilities in case he has to tinkle when he gets there...You know...prostate problems and all...
