A papa mole, a mama mole,and ababy mole all live together in a littlemole hole.






aoladp://MA19463923-0001/image001.jpg







One day, papa mole stickshis headout of the hole, sniffs theair, andsays:"Yum! I smell maplesyrup!"







aoladp://MA19463923-0002/image002.gifaoladp://MA19463923-0003/image003.jpg







The mama mole sticks her head





out of the hole,





sniffs the air, and says:





"Oh, Yum! I smell honey!"






aoladp://MA19463923-0004/image004.jpg





Now baby mole is trying





to stick his head





out of the hole to sniff the air,




but can't





because the bigger moles





are in the way!





This makes him whine:





"Geez, all I can smell is....






aoladp://MA19463923-0005/image005.jpg
MOLASSES!

:drunk: :jest: :wave:

Huzz

What do you get when you cross 50 pigs with 50 deer?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
100 sows and bucks!

Oh man!!! That's painful! :thumbsup:

Haw haw!:jest:

Huzz

A week after getting hitched, the redneck newlyweds Ed and Tammy paid a visit to their doctor.

"You ain't gonna believe this, Doc," said the husband.
"But my thingy's turnin' blue."

"I've never heard of that before," said the doctor. "Let me take a look."

The doctor took a look at Ed's "thingy". Sure enough, it was bluer than a tick on a hound dog.

The doctor turned to the wife, "Tammy, are you using that diaphragm that I prescribed for you?"

"Yep, I shore am!" she replied brightly.

"Well, what kind of jelly are you using with it?"

"I been usin' Grape!" she said. "But I can switch to Strawberry if you think it would work better."

A fellow was speeding along the interstate one day when he noticed a police cruiser with flashing lights in his mirror. He immediately pulled to the side of the road followed by the police car. When the cars had stopped the policeman got out and walked up to the fellow's car.

"License, registration and insurance please", he asked.

The fellow complied, and noticed a fly buzzing around the policeman's hat. "Gee look officer, a circle fly".

"what the Sam Hill is a circle fly?" asked the policeman with mild annoyance.

"Why officer, that's the kind of fly that buzzes around a horses's arse".

The policeman stopped and took off his sunglasses. "Are you calling me a horses' arse?" he said with carefully controlled anger.

"Why no officer, not me."

"Good" replied the officer as he continued to write out the traffic citation.

And then the fellow added "But you sure can't fool them circle flies"

Huzz

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shalt not kill."


A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael; he's a doctor."
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; she's dead."

Keeping with the class-room theme, there's this one...

One morning, teacher wrote the word "DEFINITELY" on the blackboard and said to the class, "This is our word for the the day. Can anyone use the word "DEFINITELY" in a sentence?"

Immediately Nasty Johnny's hand shot into the air. The teacher, knowing Johnny to be the class trouble-maker, called upon Suzie instead. "Suzie, can you use the word "DEFINITELY" in a sentence?" Suzie smiled and replied "The sky is definitely blue."

Teacher beamed. "Yes Suzie, that's true, the sky IS definitely blue. Can anyone else use the word "DEFINITELY" in a sentence today?"

Again, Nasty Johnny's hand flew into the air. Wishing to avoid any unpleasantries, the teacher called upon Jeffrey next. "Jeffrey, I'd like you to use the word "DEFINITELY" in a sentence." Jeffrey grinned and said, "The grass is definitely green."

Teacher smiled, "Yes indeed Jeffrey, the grass IS definitely green. Can anyone else use the word "DEFINITELY" in a sentence?"

Once more, Nasty Johnny's hand exploded into the air. Teacher pondered for a moment and thought perhaps Johnny had gotten the hang of the lesson from the previous examples and decided to give him a chance. " Johnny, can you use the word "DEFINITELY" in a sentence today?"

"Well, I dunno...can I ask a question first?"

Teacher replied, "Why certainly Johnny."

Johnny says, "Do farts have lumps in 'em?"

Blushing with embarassment, Teacher answered, "No Johnny, they don't."

Proudly Johnny says, "Well, then I have DEFINITELY sh_t my pants!"

A baby seal walks into a club.

There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!

The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie."

Filched from a pirate forum-

Ald Groggy stumbles inta the mercantile shop wi' his parrot ridin' shotgun. He tells the merchant he be needin' a flagon 'o yeller paint. The merchant asks, "what fer"? Groggy tells'em that there be a canary singin' contest an he's gonna enter his parrot. The merchant says, "ya can't be doin' that mate". "It'll kill the bird fer sure". Groggy says, "na, he'll be fyne". The merchant says, "I'll bet ya $10 the bird dies". Groggy accepts the bet an wanders off wi' his paint. 'Bout a week goes by an then Groggy shows up at the mercantile shop wi'out his parrot. The clerk says, "Paint killed 'em din't it". Groggy slowly puts $5 on the counter an says, "No, he survived the paintin' jus fyne"."Twas the sandin' between coats that done 'em in".

What do you get when you cross 50 pigs with 50 deer?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
100 sows and bucks!
Mother dear, mother deer ,do you have any dough ? yeah I got 3 bucks

A picture is worth a thousand words

A picture is worth a thousand words

...to the moon Alice, to the moon!!!

This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds

like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, its true.

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the

road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong

he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car

slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and

without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door. only to

realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!!

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a

curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.

Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the

window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the

hand repeatedly came through the window, but never touched or harmed

him. Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road,

so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and

out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the

horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying

and....wasn't drunk.


Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the


stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breathe.


Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said









to the other..."Look Paddy...there's that f..king idiot that got in the
car while we were pushing it!!!!"

Filched from a pirate forum-A pirate walks into a tavern. The barkeep asks, "Ahoy there mate, why do ye have a steerin' wheel in yer breeches?" The pirate replies, "I dunno mate, but it's drivin' me nuts!"