This is great!

A Huey Cobra practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise had a problem and landed on the tail rotor, separating the tail boom. Fortunately, it wound up on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s in a brilliant shower of sparks. As the Cobra passed the tower, the following exchange was overheard:

Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"

Cobra: "I don't know, tower. We ain't done crashin' yet!"

:lol:

Is that from "I Was There!"?
I have the collected works. 25 years of great airplane humor.

One of the classics:
A Phantom II pilot escorting a B-52 starts getting cocky and making fun of the BUFF "Truck driver." The Phantom does a barrel roll around the bomber.

PHantom pilot: "Let's see ya do that!"

BUFF driver: "Oh yeah? Let's see you do THIS!"

As the Phantom pilot watches, he can see nothing unusual happening.

Phantom pilot: "Let's see me do WHAT?"

BUFF driver: "I just shut down two engines."

"There I Was" is a great series. Anyone who loves aviation or military humor needs to have it in his collection.

Another of my favorites is the pilot flying along without lights...

"Geez, it's darker than the inside of a cow."

*Gigantic flash of lightning*

"Thanks Boss, but a little steadier and not so bright next time, okay?"

Some of the members of my RC model airplane club were pilots too, they had some funny lines:

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

It takes full power to taxi with the gear up.

When Dad was in pilot training in Corsicana, Texas, in 1944, there was this shavetail (2nd lieutenent) that nobody liked. Self-important little twit that liked to make cadets suffer. One day the Lt ordered Dad to fly him to another field. They climbed into an AT-6 and took off. The minute Dad got the wheels up he rolled inverted and pushed forward, giving the Lt the maximum negative G he could, then rolled level again, maybe snap-rolled once or twice. The object was to make the flight completely miserable for the little bastard.

When the control tower saw the first maneuver it radioed Dad angrily, "This is the tower reminding you you are NOT cleared for aerobatics over the field!"

Dad replied, "Roger, tower. I have Lt (Whatsisname) aboard."

Hearing that, the tower came back in a much more pleasant voice, "Roger that. Enjoy your flight!"

:lol:

When they landed, they had to help the LT out of the back seat and clean out the plane.

Some military safety tips:


Instruction printed on US rocket launchers: "Aim towards the enemy".
USAF: "Cluster bombing from B-52’s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground".
Infantry journal: "If the enemy is in range, so are you".
Infantry journal: "Don’t draw fire; it irritates the people around you".

An aviation term my Dad tought me:

AUTOMATIC ROUGH (n) Mental illusion whereby your engine sounds more and more like there's something wrong the closer you get to the abort point of a long-range mission.

a "little" OT but -

we had a few lines we'd say to our RC airplane buddies too. If someone has done an 'ok' landing with his model we'd get him to take off and come around and land again if we said "you proud of that landing?" of course we asked why someone 'rekitted his plane' when they crashed.

A good friend had JUST installed one of the new FM-PCM transmitter/reciever sets in a 1/3 scale Pitts S2 Biplane, with a BIG 4 cycle engine and smoke. He was flying and his receiver got a bad signal and the plane went out of control, and almost hit a few people standing on the sidelines. it finally wacked into the ground and the airframe and covering were destroyed. The guy was freaked from almost hitting someone, and crashing his 2300 buck airplane and he was almost crying. I got him to test the RC components and all and it worked, laying in the pile of bits and parts, so I suggested he fuel it up and fly it again. He laughed and he realized everything happened according to the rules, so nobody DID get hurt. he got Futaba to replace the plane and engine!

Some more military safety tips:


Infantry journal: "A five second fuse invariably only lasts three seconds".
Infantry journal: "If your attack is going too well, you are probably walking into an ambush".
US Air Force Manual: "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you have just bombed".

ROTFLMAO :roll:

Not intentionally funny, but I'm told that for every fault or problem listed in the F-104 pilot's manual, the solution is listed as "eject" :freak:

Can that work for marriage? :p

Yeah, you just have to leave half your stuff behind.

Then there's this bunch:

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The engineers read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.


P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

US Marine Corps "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend".
US Army "Tracers work both ways".
Army’s magazine of prevention maintenance "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what is left of your unit".
Anon "Any ship can be a minesweeper….once".

LMAO! :lol: :thumbsup: